Mr. Conscience, Mrs. Guilt

Of all the characteristics i embody, one of the most unfortunate one would be my love to see other people happy. (I see the hug-man, the Hitch.. Aaah, if only I too could do something to make this world a better place to live!) The other one would be the vicious circle of conscience and guilt I get caught up in almost too often. And growing up in the cultured climes of my conservative household, the conscience-guilt circle is nearly inevitable. Too often, i feel surrounded by a bevy of self-absorbed and thoughtless jerks. Furthermore, they are unwanted. It is almost like my compulsive, joy-infusing subconscious calls out to the worst of this specimen & pleads them to come and defile my life with their damned presence while i ardously work towards making them happy.

Look around you, they are all there. Neighbours, old friends, relatives. All of them land, when you are(or lets say ESPECIALLY when you are) on velvet, on your front porch, with rigorous frowns on their faces and appeal to your subconscious to get them off. And Indian as i am, i exclaim "Atithi Devo Bhava" and allow them to infest my life. Ever felt this way? No? Well you're goddamn lucky then

But if you have fallen prey to the above evil trick of the tribe the next feeling is furthermore commonplace. The conscience-guilt phase. Let me explain.

So the Fuglies infest our life. Their very presence is traumatising. The mere sight of these tribals gives you fits. You wanna throw cats at them. They ramble on about the nonsense of their lives which is about as repetitive and moronic as Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thii..They pick at your brain incessantly. What's worse? They don't even care! Every inch, every fibre on your body wants them to shut up. If only they could read your mind, the words "fuckoff" and Get Lost" are engraved in your mind, Font 72 Bold, Italic, Underlined. The abuse is on the tip of your tongue. But does it come out? Nope. It is help on by a frayed but resolute rope by a SOB called Conscience. "You'll repent" he says. You try telling him that Repentance would be a brighter day. But Conscience merely smiles and your resolve breaks down. In case you break free of him, he sends his slightly more inexorable and retributive crony. Guilt. And she will haunt you till the day you die. She will make mountains from molehills of your sins even on your deathbed. She'll show you hell even before you go there. "And go there you shall son!" she reminds.

And so you write songs, poems, blogs:).. Abuse them, but anon. Try dispelling them from your life. they will never leave. They're like the stains on your favourite shirt. In one of my Jeeves-Woosters, i read Jeeves telling Wooster, "You can dispel nature with a pitchfork, but she will always return". I guess the same can be said about each and everyone of the parties present. Guilt, Conscience and those dastardly pinpricks. Eddie Vedder sang, "Try to forget this.. Try to erase this..". You can't.

Ever got caught is this? No? Well you're goddamn lucky then! :-S