The Beijing Olympics '08, more than anything else, was a gross show of power. China Power. They showed the world that today they are, in and out of the sporting arena, one of the fastest, highest and strongest countries in the world. The artistic Bird's Nest stadium, the 100 medals(out of which 50 odd were gold, more than ANY other country) which were sandwiched between enchanting opening and closing ceremonies, the fireworks and the crowds all truly symbolised that China has arrived. The Dragon is wide awake and is staking its claim on the power it lost some 500 years ago. As any Liverpool fan would know that one phrase almost too well. China are "back on their f*ckin perch".

They're right there. On Cloud 8. One away from the sacrosanct, proverbial 9th. A bludgeoning, power economy and strong trade relations, a fallout of the fact that the world wants to trade with China, backed by unbeatable armed forces, and more than anything else, the patriotism and zeal of every China-man(:p) on the street and his passion and desire to put China on the 9th, ahead of the US and Europe. It all seems so perfect!


But China also stands to exemplify what a bitch internal strife can be. Ironic isn't it? In a time when every country in the world is lapping up at China's feet to have a chance of getting a slice of their pie, a faction of the homegrowns, namak khae hue's rebels against the home country?


Well I'm sure Tenzing and the Tibetans have their issues. If they say that I, living in my plush home far far away, from the misery that he and his people face every single day, haven't a bean of what his people go through, he'd probably be right. But what is more alarming about these damned rebel, separatist movements is the effect it is having in my country. I'm not one about to discount the Tibetans' troubles, but I have a good reason to believe that the current "Kashmir Liberation" nonsense derives direct inspiration from the aforementioned movement.

I think this entire Kashmir story is ridiculous from the word go. The Kashmiris never wanted to be Indian. Given their way, they'd rather be on their own. If given a choice between India and Pakistan, they were gonna choose Pakistan. But they were most certainly not gonna pick India. Yet we went there, and tried to convince that stupid irresponsible king to surrender to us or face Pakistan on his own. His people have always wanted Pakistan. But we forced them. We forced them to be a part of our country. And we tried atoning for it. We treated them with respect. We gave them protection. We fought their wars. We pumped our resources into them so that one day they would be satisfied and proudly proclaim that they are happy to be a part of India. Alas! The Beatles warned us in the 60's. "Money can't buy me love". How true! We tried bribing them. We tried cosseting to them in order to win their love. We told them how horrible Pakistan-occupied-Kashmir is and how they are much better off here. And we failed. Money couldn't buy us love. They always wanted Independence. Or in worst case scenario, Pakistan.

Frankly, I think we should give up Kashmir. As it is, it is a dead investment. The Government has pumped the hard-earned money of the average Indian into Kashmir and our defence expenditure in trying to protect Kashmir is phenomenal. Money has been lost, time has been lost but more importantly men have been lost. Killed, by Chinese, Pakistanis and so many other blood-hungry terrorists of whatever nationality. Indians from every nook and corner of the country have laid down their f*cking lives in order to protect that protesting Kashmiri's family for 61 years. And when we accidentally caught one of these rebel defaulters? We treated them with respect worthy of a king. You know what they do to rebels in China? I think China are fully aware of their population crisis and any scum not adding to their GDP is probably just stamped out like a bug. And I'm sure Pakistan too have a similarly convenient technique to get rid of traitors. All this for what? Why did we steal the bread out of an average Indian's mouth? Why did we forego expenditure we should have incurred on parts and people of the country who stick their chests out when the Anthem is played? The Kashmiris' stand remains unchanged. It was what it was 61 years ago. So if they don't give two f*cks about what India has done for them, let them have their tiny ass country where they can do whatever shit India apparently "doesn't allow" them to. If they don't care, why should we? Let them go i say. Let them build their industries. Let them find out what running a government means. Let them find out what "defense expenditure" means. Let them fight their wars. Let their men die. Let them take big loans from the IMF, World Bank and others and have their butts nailed to the wall when they don't pay up. It's been 61 years and India still hasn't been able to pay up. I wonder how long Kashmiris would take. In fact, I don't think all this will even happen. I think Pakistan and China will attack Kashmir within 2 days and then lets see if they have the balls to go against what these countries decide for them. China will probably treat them like dirt off their shoes. I say if they don't care what India are doing for them, they should get this spanking from the rest of the world so that they know how it really hurts.

KJo immortal!

I was watching Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Ghum the other day. Maybe for the 13th time. I dunno why, but i totally love that film! I mean everytime, every single time that K3G comes on TV, only one thought comes to my mind. Watch it!

Well, i couldn't care less about what Ram Gopal Verma thinks about Karan Johar's films. I still believe that KJo's are much easier on the brain. I've heard that RGV too can make people cry, but out of sheer trauma and frustration of having spent precious money, in these inflation-ridden times, on a sub-standard, pathetic remake of a classic in a depressing bottle green background. A sweetly dressed Kareena Kapoor with a super large ego(which I enjoy, for that matter, on any girl) is much nicer on the eye than whatever tramp that RGV procures that goes around banging every second guy on the road. Even if he is 3 times her age. That is just sick!

Maybe another day, I'll take out the time to put into harsher words what i feel about RGV's ridiculous and overwhelmingly degrading renditions of Sholay and the like, but this post is solely dedicated to K3G. :)

I mean, I'm sure of you are one of those wannabe, self-proclaimed "film-critics", who've grown up on a heady and steady diet of "sensible movies", that deal with more "serious issues" unlike the "frivolous ones", about "running behind a girl, around a tree", that bollywood churns out too regularly, you probably hated it. On the flipside, if you're the typical urban Indian, you probably cried your eyes out and screamed the worst abuses in your dictionary when that "fathead" Amitabh B. slapped the "gorgeous" better known Roshan. Well, I belong to neither extreme end, but if I were to pick one, it'd probably be the latter and say, without a fear of contradiction, that yes, I LOVED K3G.

Either KJo is a ridiculous little mumma's boy with distinguished contacts or an outrageous marketing genius. Such a movie could have worked only in India. And if it worked outside, it would with the Indian diaspora. Because if you happen to look at it objectively, what do you really have? Son1 marries wrong girl. Hothead dad kicks him out. Son1 moves to London and rebuilds life. Son2 goes and brings Son1 back. Mother cry, father cry and happy family reconciliation. All this interspersed with a few laughs and a lot(and i mean a LOT) of crying. The tagline goes, "it's all about loving your parents". It's not even relevant to the story! Just because it has parents and children, joy and sorrow, bichchadna and waapas-aana,doesn't necessarily teach you to love your parents.

But it clicks. People loved it. I, for one, will certainly watch it the 14th time. 8 years later, when a TV channel decides to broadcast it, the response is only slightly diminished. The sponsors come running and it gets primetime. People, 8 years later, "hawwww" at all the right places, cry at the right places, laugh and sing at the right places. Forget the fact that having seen the movies before, you know what's coming next. The movie is predictable from the word go. I know SRK's every dialog and the intensity of Jaya Bacchan's every sniff. And yet i love the film and will watch it the 14th time. Why?

Because advertently or inadvertently, it was and continues to be one of the biggest marketing rackets India has seen. The cliched story apart, more important are the other things KJo brings to the table. Everyone will agree to the fact that he brought the best, most iconic, fit-the-bill actors and actresses of their respective generations forward for each role. Hard to imagine a better couple than the Bacchans to act the amazing, successful couple. Forget acting, they already are an amazing and succesful enough couple! Strike one. The ideal, lovable protagonist HAD to(amd let me stress on the compulsiveness of this situation here) HAD to be SRK. And who better than Kajol to club him with? A couple that has single-handedly clicked and made films click? Strike two. And of course, the nice looking, trendy-and-modern and fresh faces to play the respective siblings to the protagonists. Hrithik Roshan and Kareena Kapoor. I guess that after Jodha Akbar and Jab We Met, we certainly cannot have that couple doing a similar role, but the time then was perfect. Just perfect. Strike three.

I guess the most distinctive part-of-body of the Indian human species(even the male) is the heart. We aren't too much about the brain, or the logic. In times of cognitive dissonance, we usually listen to the dil ki baat, however unreasonable, illogical and unfeasible. And for some reason, we like to see it on screen. We really couldn't care less for the minor technical details, but we do know when and where to start crying our eyes out. And after i saw it 13 times and critically analysed it, i found that we really dunno what business the Raichands, who are rolling in cash, in an overlarge mansion(supposedly in India) with merely 2 people living in it for most of the time, with the best of cars, helicopters and private jets, are into! How can Jaya Bacchan, armed with jewellery, sit on that mansion(supposedly in India) alone without a watchman? How can she clean that damned house with just one housemaid? In our relatively modest flat, we have 4 maids with different job descriptions. The London's MBA school where Hrithik is supposed to be studying looks more like a design school! But you know, and I know and KJo knows that no one really cares for all this rubbish once SRK starts crying. SRK's tears prevail over these little details novice directors fuss about. So quite correctly, KJo brings a good deal of varied emotions to the table.

We Indians also dream. A LOT. The poor dream of being rich. The Mittal in Kensington dreams of being richer. "183 room house? baah.. i want 209 rooms. maybe one for each day of the year. Oh and my 3 kids will want it that way too. Little Chintoo is quite fussy about it. So lets make it.. uhh.. 365 X 4 rooms". And the movie paints a dream, a vivid picture of having all the luxuries of the world on your doormat. "My son in London misses me? Well then I just hop onto my private jet and go meet him!". A palatial mansion(supposedly in India). A helicopter to go to work. Even the exiled son has a chic bungalow in London. The cute girl acts hard-to-get. The hot guy gives her competition.But after a good amount of throwing "attitude" at each other, they fall in love. They HAVE to. Father-son fight, but a happy ending nevertheless. They're all happy. All rich. All happily living in their mansion(supposedly in India). Its perfect. And I'd want to see it a 14th time as well.

Yes. KJo has segmented, targeted and positioned. And he's kicked ass.

And RGV? What about you son? :-P